Thursday, July 12, 2007

Our Little Fighter

As I type this, Wyatt is beside me in the pack 'n play trying to sleep. He's grunting, groaning and just generally complaining about the fact that he's in the pack 'n play and not on someone's chest. How does a child who spent six weeks in the NICU come home spoiled? I choose to believe it's more a function of the fact that he was missing that human touch when he was in the hospital. He hasn't had much very good sleep at all today, and I am already dreading going to bed tonight. Although, I am so happy to have him home with us, I am really not enjoying this time. I find myself wishing for it to be three or four months from now when they might both be sleeping through the night. I know if I could just get a good night's sleep then I could make it through the days.

It's amazing what a bond is formed with other mothers immediately after you've given birth. I have so many close friends who are already mothers that I feel I have already bonded with on a whole other level. I have two friends in particular who have recently delivered boys and it has been such a blessing to be able to call them with questions and sometimes just to vent. As I was speaking with one of these women tonight she made a statement that Wyatt is a survivor...that it was just a few short weeks ago that we weren't even sure he would make it. From her perspective, he's an answer to prayer. He's here and he's thriving, and that's all that matters. But from my narrow, day-to-day perspective, I have just been complaining and wishing we weren't in this phase. I'm living the sleepless nights and endless days, fumbling around trying to learn how to be a mom to twin newborns.

How quickly I need reminding that this is my little miracle, who was literally starved in-utero, who at times we feared would not make it, who struggled for six weeks in the NICU, but who is thriving at home right now. How quickly I forget God's faithfulness. He brought me through that and He will bring me through this. We named him Wyatt for a reason and he continues to prove that he is our "little fighter."

21 comments:

JMom said...

We all have to be reminded all the time that the children in our homes are miracles...especially when they are keeping us up all night or pooping on our floors. Hang in there! You will sleep again--and it changes everything. I promise!!!!

Lori said...

All these stages are difficult while you are in the, but they do pass and it is SOOOO worth it all! I promise! God is good and he will get you through it all!

Anonymous said...

i had to come check on you 4 and see how your little guys are doing. they are both doing so well - and growing so fast! how awesome!!!! i am so happy that they are both thriving so well. i am sending many prayers your way. these days are SO VERY HARD with two little babies. my hubby and i always say that (1) twins are WAY more than twice the work. my mom lived with us the first few weeks and it was still exhausting even with three sets of hands! and (2) the first 3 months with babies at home are definitely the hardest. it is all about survival at this point in life. do what you have to do to survive the endless nights of sleeplessness. and it is okay to have those moments of frustration. you are only human - and you are taking care of TWO PREEMIES! it WILL get better. it will get SO MUCH better. and one day, these rough early moments will be a foggy blur. god will be so faithful and he will restore these days to you. you are both doing such a great job! your boys are just beautiful! ----- Cara Gaskins

Anonymous said...

Randi,
The first night they sleep through the night you won't...you will be 3-4 times checking on them to be sure that they are alright. Hang in.
Betsy

keri said...

i know lots of moms relate to this randi...including me. with ella, i kept longing for the day when i could get through that newborn stage...my hormones were crazy, tears every day, exhausted from lack of sleep. it is SUCH a hard time to get through. your reminder that little wyatt is a miracle will definitely help you get through it. parenting teaches us so much about unconditional love!!

Carey said...

you've stated what every mom goes through perfectly; you are thankful but we DO need that little reminder every once in a while to help us make it through the trying times! keep on loving those little boys-
Carey

Marva said...

What a perfectly suited name for your little guy. We went through the same with our 15 mo.old twin boys. They were 2 months early. One passed at home after being home a week, God brough him back to us for the third time. They are now completely normal. Anyhoo, it gets better and yes I'm crazy but I miss thsoe days. It was quite difficult with my dh workinh 14 hour shifts 6 days a week and home with NO one to help. Noone stayed with us and we were on a 3 hour schedule. They both had grade 4 reflux and on to be on formula and they were both on different kinds.

Sleep is better and it does get easier, but my little guy (bigger one at birth) is in a brace for his Scolosis, and well ket's just say Mommy is up a good bit still. Oh, how precious these days are.

I really would like to go back to some moments because I was in such a fog that my memory is short on some things. I think you always wish you could get time back.......at least sometimes.

Praying for peace and rest for you. He will sustain you. Phil. 4:13 got me through somw tough days. "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

Blessings be on you guys during this time!

pam said...

Oh Randi, every feeling you are having is perfectly normal. I'm always telling people that I haven't had a good nights sleep in nine years,strangely enough you become used to it. Just remember that you too are only human.

Keep up the good job!

Anonymous said...

I have 11 week old boy/girl twins and could have written this post myself. We too had a rough pregnancy with IUGR complications and when things get tough, I need to remind myself of the incredible blessings. I wish happy and healthy babies to us both! Many blessings to your family.

katy said...

My boys are 5 & 7 1/2. Enjoy this time, because you can't get it back. I learned a while ago to enjoy the stage I am in. Each is unique in their own way be it eating baby food, crawling, walking, real food, feeding themselves, pooping, peeing (on the potty), getting themselves dressed, going off to school, leaving home. Okay I will stop. But seriously, each stage is fun for the first week, but then you are ready to move on to the next one. Don't rush them to grow up. Embrace the sleepless nights. What else is more important that that sweet baby smell. Oh I'd die for that smell again, but I am SO done! They are both potty trained and self sufficient.

Katy

Jennisa said...

Please know that ALL of us feel this way. I felt the same way after Liv...it took us 3 years to conceive her, so why did I look at her and just wish this time would pass? Such guilt I felt, so I know how you feel. I will PRAY that you somehow get the sleep you need! Wouldn't just ONE night of full sleep be amazing? Is there any way you can have just ONE night???

praying for you tonight....

ivegot5 said...

I did the same thing. Just keep remembering that soon things will settle down and yoou'll start enjoying it more. email me if you need to vent!!

laura

Bolline Family said...

I promise things DO get better. In the NICU I always thought that once we were home that would be "enough" for us to enjoy every moment. But it's just not reality, caring for two newborns after NICU is HARD! But they are SO worth it and before you know it the fog will lift. Hang in there!

Stacie said...

You are in such a rough place with newborn twins, especially with the NICU time, but, oh, twins are such a joy. I don't remember the first three months all that well, and the second 3 months are a little hazy (and they still aren't sleeping through the night at a year, though I probably shouldn't tell you that) but it is so wonderful having twins. Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

Must have been a VERY wise woman that gave you such sage advice! Anyway...I meant to call you last night to tell you this, but Joe is sitting up! He weebles and wobbles and then he topples down, but he can sit unassisted for about 5 seconds. It's a hoot! I've also been feeding him real food. As expected, he can't get enough. Fatty Boombalatty loves his food! Before you know it, you'll be telling me about Parks and Wyatt sitting up and enjoying something other than breast milk. It goes by so fast, and the hardest nights become a very faint memory. It's hard to grasp that now, but I promise you that you'll be there before you know it!!! We love you! Hang in there!

Jules

GM's Mom said...

Todd & Randi

I have been lurking on your blog for a while and just want to thank you for sharing with me. You brighten my day with updates on the boys. I too had a difficult pg but you are true inspirations. I wanted you to know that I have nominated you for the Rockin' Blogger Award.....Sincerely, Heidi

Hollie said...

Hey, Hollie from GA, You will sleep again, that is what I thought when Cross was up all night and now he sleeps so well with us, they love the closeness ans I think well they are only little once my how time flies he is 18months old already
Hang in there!!!
Hey Randi

Anonymous said...

Hi! Just checked out the boys! SO cute! Duke sends his love and will be entered in his first dog show in a couple of weeks in VA!
Wish us luck and we'll keep you posted!!
Blue skies and restful nights,
Katey

Anonymous said...

Randi, this is not the first time I've visited your blogspot, but is the first time to respond. I have shwon it to others at work (Baptist L&D) just to keep everyone posted on how things are progressing for all of you. You are blessed to have your boys...congratulations and continue to keep us posted. We are looking foward to see you all. Try to visit on a Tuesday...Kathleen is always off on Thursdays. Take care.

Rena Montgomery, Baptist L&D

Melodie said...

This post has hit me the hardest. I remember this same level of frustration and trying to remind myself of the double miracle God had given us. I know you're tired. It is so tough. I am so glad to see that you have gotten a night nurse. I wish I would have done the same. Do not feel bad for complaining about lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation is absolutely debilitating...and even worse with awake and crying newborns. You are great parents. Do not doubt yourself. Keep your faith and trust in God. I can't wait to talk to you soon.

Anonymous said...

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